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Old 03-18-2018, 02:37 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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seesaw grieving
 
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

There are different levels of intimacy with friendship as well. I am spiritual but not religious and I do not believe in a god. I am fine having friends with these beliefs, but I won't date someone with those beliefs because it's a fundamental difference for me. It's the reason why eHarmony is totally sucking for me and not sending me any matches: because I won't allow them to send me matches who have those beliefs that are important to them. So it's turning into a complete waste for me. I keep complaining to them and they keep telling me I should change my preference for religious beliefs in a match because I could meet someone I'd never would have considered before. Um, hello, there's a reason why I wouldn't consider them! I watched my mother and father have very different religious beliefs and while it wasn't the sole reason for the violence in our family, it was part of it. I apologize, I digress.

So, if someone has different religious beliefs or political beliefs that me, I am fine with that, it's when their beliefs are to restrict the rights of other or to denigrate women, POC, or other groups that I can't be friends with them. I will be honest that I have trouble being friends with people who have no desire for education either. I don't mean educated, I mean people who seem to enjoy their own ignorance and promote their own ignorant POV KNOWING that it's ignorant. People who believe everything they are told or read without looking into who it's coming from and is that a reliable source....yeah, no patience.

I respect people's beliefs but I find a lot of those beliefs personally offensive, so I tend to not get too close to those people. Lots of people seem nice but then aren't so nice when you find out what they believe and what they stand for (and therefore what they vote for and allow to happen in the world).

So can I be friends with someone whose beliefs are so radically different than my own? I honestly don't know. Most of the time people in that category seem to spew offensive stuff that I don't want to be around, so no.

However, once, I had a client who was a very conservative Christian but he was the sweetest guy. I always think that man, if every Christian was like him, well the world might just be a better place. He was kind, generous, compassionate. He never pushed his religion on me and he was so kind and nice to me. We once had a very personal conversation about me as I was actively dating and he was married and he was giving me dating advice, and he was seriously the most nonjudgmental person I'd ever met. It was so weird to meet someone who was a conservative Christian who was NOT judgmental, because everyone I had known, growing up myself as a conservative Christian, had been so judgmental. So...I'm saying, maybe it's possible, if they are also a tolerant and kind person, that I could be friends with them.

I really think it's on an individual, case-by-base basis.

Seesaw
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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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