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Old 03-18-2018, 03:46 PM
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Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
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Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,749 (SuperPoster!)

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Default Re: not ana anymore but my brain still is

I am so sorry. I am in recovery too, have been since 2003, with a brief relapse in 2012. Unfortunately, for me too, the voices are still there, and my perception of my body is still skewed. My ED started when I was 20, for God's sake, and I'm 40 now! The voices STILL won't go away. Oh, they have lessened in intensity, and I choose not to act on those ED obsessed thoughts, like it would be great to start overexercising again and I should go off all sweets & sugar, give up gluten, etc. I wish the voices would go away for good!

There was one vacation we took when my daughter was 3 or so, that would have been in 2010. I remember I felt super fat the entire time (yeah, I know, "fat" is NOT a feeling). Anyway, I thought I was fat. My husband has a screensaver on his computer that rotates through his picture album. It recently came upon a picture of me with my daughter during that vacation. I saw the picture, and I thought, "OMG, I looked good!" I had such nice muscles (was good about weight training then). I looked so healthy & fit. Not fat AT ALL. Crazy the perceptions EDs give us.
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