I am so very sorry for what you've gone through and for what he's done to you. Narcissists are the most infuriating people to deal with and will leave you feeling filled with rage, injustice and their own poison. It's a cleansing process, really, to get rid of their mental and psychological poison. Yes, their love is not love. Their kind of love is abuse and they use people.
(((((((Hugs))))))))