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Old 03-29-2018, 04:20 PM  
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katydid777 Here Untill I'm Not
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Trig Re: Can't figure out what's the truth or lies

Originally Posted by Momofmmsa View Post
I donít feel like a survivor because itís still fresh but I am alive. My husband is in jail, he is on state parole so I didnít even have to do anything except make the call to get him taken away. My problem is that I still love him. I saw him today for the first time in 18 days. It was a good visit, I didnít cry. Iím not experienced with this jail crap and the mail rules. He has asked for some medical papers and pictures and artwork from the girls. (The girls are not his biologically but in this last year and 8 months, he had been the closest thing to a father that they have had in their short 7 and 8 year lives.) I apparently used the wrong type of envelope and picture size and artwork was on construction paper and in crayon, what else is expected from 7 and 8 year olds. I didnít know the rules of mail, from what I found online everything I did was acceptable. Pictures have to be no bigger than 4x6, no one told me. So the things sent in the mail with the artwork are going to be returned to me. So, about 2 hours or less after the visit he calls and tells me how stupid I am that I canít follow simple directions, totally ruined the better feeling I was having. As of now, Iíve only been diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety, thatís been many years now. Reading on this site, I think I need to speak to my doctor about other things, for one PTSD from this incident, borderline personality disorder, and childhood emotional neglect. I know tomorrow, heís going to call and tell me he misses me and loves me, and Iím going to believe it. I think he has an antisocial personality disorder but maybe he just doesnít have a heart. He will not ever be allowed by law to live in the home we had together until he is off of state parole. That was going to be in 2021. There hasnít been a hearing yet, the first 2 were continued and now itís set for April 20. Iíve always had trust issues and I trusted him and revealed things to him that I didnít share with anyone, he now uses those things against me. The verbal abuse has been going on for months. I grew up with that so after a while, it doesnít hurt as much. The physical, that just started in the last month or two. His parole officer said that if by some chance he beats these charges, he will be released to a Community Corrections Center (kind of like a halfway house) and have mandatory counseling. Is there any hope of an abuser changing? Or did I just throw away the last almost 2 years of mine and my girlsí lives?
In my own openion, it would probably be best for your girls, bc they should come first, and best for you if you let him go. I have been with my verbaly abusive husband for over 26 years, and almost married for almost 25. He has promised many times over to change but here we are. I was abused in all ways when i was young, so i don't have any self esteem, and didn't realize what he has been doing to me is abuse. So i have a lot of thinking to do, and have to make a decision one way, or another. Please don't let it take you as long as it has me. Please don't put your girls through that. Please don't put your self through that. It has been a very long time since i felt like i was worth a kind word!!!!!!!(((((((HUGS)))))))
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