After years of therapy covering my parents taking my childhood to raise my three younger siblings, my father fat shaming me and having treatment for binge eating disorder, being thrown out of the house at 17....I finally took control of my eating disorder and weight. Yesterday my father in a conversation about my sister said he didn’t recall fat shaming us as children (his normal gaslighting behavior) and said he only recalled once shopping with me as a child and being ashamed to be seen with me because of my weight.

Like a pebble in my show it wore on my all day...I had a binge episode for the first time in years. It was confirmation of all the things I believed he thought of me for 40 years directly from him. Something broke in me and pulling the pieces together just doesn’t seem to be happening. I can rationalize it with the fact that he doesn’t love himself so how can he love me or any of my siblings? Still hurts. When parents who are supposed to love you unconditionally don’t...and just repeatedly hurt you it effects so much in your life.

Hoping everyone here understands. I’m lost.