Hello everyone,

I’m new to this forum and just need to vent.

Frankly, I think my husband is passive aggressive. I have read several articles and he fits the profile; however, he has not been diagnosed.

For example, yesterday, he wanted to spend some time together. I was busy at the moment and couldn’t oblige. He got upset, but never communicated his problem with the situation. Instead, he stopped talking and left the house. When he came back and I asked what was wrong. He said, nothing, and that I was the one with the problem. He was fine. He further went on to say how bad I make him feel about himself, although two days ago, I was the most loving and supportive wife in the world.

This kind of thing happens often when he doesn’t get what he wants, and when he wants it. He told me today that when I have a problem with him, I approach it in an accusatory manner, like it’s always his fault. I feel he has self-esteem issue that is exacerbated by his love self-image (he’s slightly overweight) and by the progression of my career and the stagnation of his.

With that being said, we got past it. He asked me to watch television with him. I did. Ten minutes in, he left to take a shower and stayed occupied for over 45 minutes while I was downstairs. When I finally went upstairs where he was, he went downstairs after kissing me on the forehead and acting like nothing happened at all. I felt like I was in this game or I was being punished for something randomly.

This interaction can be exhausting. I’m a pretty rational person, so I try to put things in perspective: he may process things differently or maybe I could be more supportive. Nevertheless, this is becoming too overwhelming.

Unfortunately, the byproduct of all of this is frustration, confusion, resentment and mistrust- things that don’t really make for a good marriage. We’ve been married for over 17 years. It’s not easy for me to just leave. I do love him, and when he’s not acting like this, he can be funny, kind, generous and loving. However, when things don’t work out as he planned or you disagree or criticize him, he takes it so personally. I feel he has to retaliate by engaging you in some emotional hokey pokey to get you off balance thereby accomplishing his goal without you ever realizing it.