Thread: Mind Games
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Open Eyes
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Default Apr 07, 2018 at 09:33 AM
 
Hmm, it sounds like your husband doesn't know what to do with disappointments and when he experiences emotional insecurities. The behaviors you are describing are of a person (I say person because anyone can struggle like this) who is disappointed in themselves and where they happen to be in their life. You say that you are doing well in your career venture, well, he wants that too and if he is not doing well he is most likely questioning his value and even wonders if you will still love him too.

It sounds like your husband would benefit from therapy/seeing a life coach. He needs to have some place to vent his concerns and get feedback that will help him with the stress and confused emotions he is experiencing that is coming out in this pattern of "I need you, I must not be worth your time". Passive aggressive type behavior typically comes from an individual who doesn't know how to talk about his/her insecurities.

Quote:
For example, yesterday, he wanted to spend some time together. I was busy at the moment and couldn’t oblige. He got upset, but never communicated his problem with the situation. Instead, he stopped talking and left the house. When he came back and I asked what was wrong. He said, nothing, and that I was the one with the problem. He was fine. He further went on to say how bad I make him feel about himself, although two days ago, I was the most loving and supportive wife in the world
This is an example of behavior where a person is struggling and "needs" help but doesn't know how to put into words what he is feeling and needs your help and support. His saying "you" are the one with the problem is his way of saying how you can be dismissive with him when he comes to you "feeling" a need for reassurance. Unfortunately, this challenge can go way back for him to his childhood when he "needed" caring and support and his mother/parent sent him a message to "go away and don't come to me when you need help".
It's important to keep in mind that often little boys are encouraged to "not feel" and to "man up" and unfortunately this leaves them with feeling that when they struggle emotionally they should feel shame or are weak. They end up struggling when it comes to communicating their feelings and this often comes out in passive aggressive behavior patterns.

Last edited by Open Eyes; Apr 07, 2018 at 10:55 AM..
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