It can help if you realize that when you experience behaviors as you have described that often you are seeing the child part in that other individual who was not helped to understand and deal with or communicate emotional needs.
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His parents tried to create this isle of idealism around him where problems didn’t exist and perfection was reality. He was never directly told what to do, yet he learned through reactions and nonverbal cues how to act. In short, act perfect, do as I say, don’t go against the grain or make me look bad and you’ll be the perfect son.
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Well, I think it's wonderful that you have been able to recognize this history of him with his parents. Often passive aggressive behavior patterns can reveal parental messages the other person received in their upbringing.
For example, the "its your fault" statement he makes towards you. He is playing the role of the parent towards him when he "failed" to pick up on a cue they wanted from him so he could fit into the "perfect child" syndrome they had created for him to have to follow.
When you get frustrated with his pattern of behaviors, think about how it must have been for that "child" in him when his parents practiced this behavior towards him. When "you" fail to pick up on a cue from him, how does he behave? These reactions were "instilled" in him. For him to change, he has to learn how this developed in him and then he has to learn how to interact where he can get his needs met better.
As a little child he most likely had to deal with a mother that kept telling him "go away, can't you see I am busy?". His behaviors are basically revealing to you that he was not really "nurtured". Unfortunately, too many parents have NO IDEA what child development is all about and how to NURTURE a child so that child develops their own "healthy" identity. Unfortunately, a lot of households are full of "barking orders" and that a child slowly learns that if he/she doesn't follow orders they are going to be shunned and often that comes to them with facial expressions that are negative. Passive aggressive behavior patterns are often what a child learns from a parent. This is what he is actually showing you.
It's good that your husband would be willing to reach out for therapy/counseling and he would probably benefit from DBT and CBT therapy. Actually, a lot of couples engage in counseling together so they can discuss their unmet needs and actually learn better ways of communicating with each other. Most of the problems literally stem from a person's childhood and what they saw their parents do with each other as well as the messages their parents gave them. It would work best with a therapist that doesn't leave your husband feeling "bad" about himself, but instead help your husband learn how his parents encouraged him to behave and interact in ways that were not good for him and now he can learn how to change that so he can feel heard without practicing this passive agressive behavior.