Hello Jp: I'm sorry your marital relationship has come to this point. Sadly, some of what you wrote is familiar to me in terms of my own behavior over the years. Unfortunately, I don't know as I have any particularly good answers for you here. The obvious answer, I suppose, is couples counseling if your wife would agree to it. Beyond that, you might also consider some individual counseling or therapy for yourself.

I take it, from what you wrote, your wife is not asking you for a divorce... at least not yet. She just wants to be left alone. It may be that the best thing to do is to simply accede to her wishes. Perhaps do a few kind things, here-&-there, to try to demonstrate your new-found illumination. But I do think it is probably true that you can go too far with this... sort of the pendulum swinging too far in the opposite direction, so to speak. Your marriage has developed to its present state over quite a number of years I would presume. It will take time for it to change, if in fact change is even possible at this point.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! May I suggest you introduce yourself to the membership as a whole in our New Members Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. One additional forum that may be of interest to you would be the men's forum:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/men-focused-support/

Here are links to a couple of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of handling anger & resentment in relationships. Perhaps some of the information in them can be of some help:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-7-...relationships/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-a-...onship-crisis/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/3-ways...your-marriage/

I wish you both well...