I hope I am doing this right. I honestly don't know where to start, because I would need to go back 7 years, and communicating is not my strongest suite. It is actually one of the biggest strains I have put on this friendship since day one. This guy is my best friend, my brother, my companion. We have very separate lives but we had a very strong connection to each other. I value his opinion, his suggestions, feedback a lot, I listen to him, he is very wise and has overcome a lot of issues and I see the progress.
Recently I have been very unhappy and he gave me the push to quit my job and is letting me live with him free of rent so I can figure myself out. In return I agreed to help out around the house, cook, clean, etc.. pretty much be an assistant to him, which I have done once before a few years ago. I have now been living with him for a month and there have been numerous occasions where I have done a task wrong and messed something up, despite his numerous attempts to give me clear direction. We have been fighting non stop because I have an issue with really listening and understanding. In return I break down, my low-self esteem kicks in, my depression, my anxiety, my PTSD from being verbally and physically abused as child. I break down, I shut down. It is now at the point where he can't stand to be in the same room as me. He shuts the doors when he's in another room. He went from being excited to have me here, to telling me I have interrupted his space. He no longer trusts or respects me. He does not want have me around him or in his life, and I don't blame him. I want to fix it, I want to help myself. I am 32 years old, and things that should come easy to someone at that age, do not. I have a hard time learning, and I am very far from being a functional adult. I can't communicate properly, I get angry and act out of impulse, I am very reactive. The worst part of it, I am now realising all of this a little too late. Why did it have to take for me to lose the one person who means so much for me to seek help? Is it too late? I am at a loss, I am overwhelmed. I don't know where to start but I need to start ASAP.