I must say CONGRATS on your epiphany and on taking responsibility within yourself for your behavior! That is a HUGE step, one which very few can take. I give you a LOT of credit for recognizing that you can be emotionally abusive. That is pretty amazing.

I also suggest counseling - I would even say individual counseling plus couples counseling to manage your own behaviors (individually) and to work on and try to save your marriage.

Your wife may not trust your nice behavior right now. She may be used to the abusive behaviors and probably is expecting you to change right back to the way you were.

Have you talked to her about your epiphany? Have you had a discussion (not during sleep hours) about how you now know how you can be towards her and how much you truly want to change?

A couples counselor can help both of you through this. She will need to learn to trust you again and to feel emotionally safe with you. And you will need to show consistent behavior from now on without the abusive behaviors.

It's going to take work & deliberate, conscious effort, but creating a healthy, loving relationship is SO worth it!!! You love her dearly, I can see that. So do whatever it takes to get there, and if it is not too late. Hopefully, she will agree to couples counseling (if you decide to pursue it) and will want to work on this with you.

Wishing you both all the best!