Couples counseling should not take place when one partner is an abuser. The abuser should first get into individual counseling. Once some serious progress has taken place, then couples counseling can happen.

In trying so hard to win your wife back, you are still perpetuating the cycle of abuse. This phase is often called “hoovering,” where the abuser sucks the abused back in (once they feel the abused partner may be ready to leave) by showering them with compliments, promises, and gifts. Your wife has indicated that she is not open to these efforts, and in continuing to do so, you are showing that you are ultimately thinking of yourself and not her.

Your best bet is to go to therapy and learn how to show your wife that you respect her, and you are committed to ending the cycle of abuse.