Whether it’s the first time through this particular cycle or not, if the OP doesn’t get help for his underlying issues, he will almost certainly go back to the same actions. Abusers are like everyone else, people with wounds and dysfunctions that need to be addressed in order to achieve real change. Unfortunately it’s just not as simple as switching a button from a-hole to not-an-a-hole.

I’m basing my observations in part on the OP’s reporter actions: showering his wife with affection despite her aversion to it; waking her up, when she is tired and vulnerable, to make promises of change, rather than waiting until the next day to have a conversation where both can participate equally. Conscious or unconscious, these are not healthy ways of acting.