I empathize with you, zerodark, and wish for you to be well. Much of what I am about to state is my subjective perspective, but my perspectives are formed from much research and attempts to learn about such topics. Additionally, some statements are attempts to be objectively accurate such as on whether or not you are being abused and manipulated according to standard definitions of such terms.

Additionally, there is no "objective truth" or "fact" or even certainty on most of the topics of which we are discussing such as personality disorders, behavior and more. Much of what we are dialoguing is "how" a person is, which is subjective and most debatable as opposed to "what" a person is. Even some highly recognized professionals acknowledge not just the complexities of such topics, but also the difficulty in assessing a person and his/her behavior.

Already in both your opening paragraph and subsequent paragraph, you specifically refer to how ever much of how he is as a "facade," which does not necessarily entail anything at all. With that said, a facade is typically associated with Narcissism (as in Narcissistic Personality Disorder, although there are degrees of narcissism. Even if someone is of narcissism and not of NDP, the person could still exhibit a facade.) Regardless, more research, observation and analysis would most likely be required to attempt to accurate judge how he possibly is in general.

Another associative "characteristic" (as in choice) of someone of narcissism is to not entirely leave and/or cutoff an ex until s/he has secured another person for Narcissistic Supply. Even then, the person might still "hoover" the ex as in still attempt to keep the ex from being completely out of the person's life in order to continue using, abusing and manipulating the ex.

Please take note of traumatic relationships with him because that might also be a sign of abuse, manipulation, personality disorder(s), and/or other possible causes.

For your first description, according to you, would "Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde" and/or "push/pull" be synonymous with his behavior in your words as "hot and cold?" Both of the aforesaid terms are also associated with NDP. The aforesaid behaviors of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde is of psychological and emotional abuse and manipulation.

For your second and third descriptions, it reads as if he were neglecting you (whether he has emotions for you, likes and and so forth is also a question to be asked.) Neglect is emotional abuse (and can be emotional and psychological manipulation and abuse.)

For your fourth description, silent treatment is one of the most agreed upon behaviors as both psychological and emotional abuse and manipulation. The effects of the silent treatment can be devastating. Please do not underestimate, ignore or anything similarly for the silent treatment. This is indeed a "red flag."

For your fifth description, "rage" is another behavior that is associated with NDP and, maybe, other personality disorders as well. Regardless, it is also another form of emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation. This is also another "red flag." Additionally, he is also shifting the blame, denying responsibility and attempting to cause you to feel (invented) guilt. Both of the aforesaid actions are both tactics of psychological and emotional abuse and manipulation.

Your sixth description is also of neglect (and other possible behaviors such as selfishness, self-centeredness and more.) As previously mentioned, neglect is emotional abuse (and can be emotional and psychological manipulation and abuse.) He is also marginalizing your perspectives, emotions and you, which is indeed emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation. Additionally, he is also shifting the blame, denying responsibility and attempting to cause you to feel (invented) guilt. Both of the aforesaid actions are both tactics of psychological and emotional abuse and manipulation.

Your other sixth description is not just of emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation due to neglecting you, your feelings and perspectives, but it is also of financial manipulation and abuse. Also, if he is continually taking as you are continually giving, he is using you.

Your seventh description is of devaluation, which is emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation. He also marginalizes what others say to you and when he attempts to defend himself, which is another form of emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation as already stated. Additionally, he is also shifting the blame, denying responsibility and attempting to cause you to feel (invented) guilt. Both of the aforesaid actions are both tactics of psychological and emotional abuse and manipulation.

Your eighth description is of marginalization, probable denial, projection, shifting the blame, attempting to convince you of (invented guilt) and other tactics of psychological abuse and manipulation.


Again, my post consists of opinions and perspectives. With that said, much of what I wrote is based on countless hours of research and resources for abuse, manipulation, narcissism, NDP and other interconnected topics. Most of your descriptions, if not all, are associated with NDP and, perhaps, other personality disorders. I am not claiming that he is of NDP, any other personality disorder or anything similarly. I am just addressing that much of the aforesaid behavior is indeed abusive and manipulative, mainly psychological and emotional. Additionally, there might be more to him than simply those "characteristics" of abuse, manipulation and using you.

Edit: I forgot to include an assessment of the content in your last paragraph, which is most interlinked with the rest of your post. I apologize and will post one tomorrow. I wish for you and your relationship to be going well.