my body and mind are full of memory fragments that frustrate me in ptsd episodes.

One memory chain is toys.

Little pink plastic doll comb. (Painful thoughts and questions)

Empty room, empty shelf, two figures knocking into each other and trading places. It’s Bert and Ernie. Sunlight

Empty room, empty bed, one toy under the bed. Sunlight

Barbie jacuzzi. Pump. Water. Checking for smelly water. Hated to love that toy.

Baby doll got water in her and Mom said she was smelly. I loved her and begged to fix her but mom threw her away. I maintained that I didn’t like dolls after that.

Threw toys out window and watched them pile up below.

I understand this puzzle mostly but what don’t I put together yet I sense and it’s still a little foreboding but so much safer feeling than before.

I’m building the elephant in the room and bringing it to life. I’m always symbolic