Thank you everyone for your support,

I have taken lithium for the last 3 years. I know it works for me. Without it, I quickly become narcissistic and psychotic. Not taking it consistently recently was an utter mistake.

If there's one thing I'm taking away from your messages so far, it is the importance of being self-suffIcient. Whether we have more desirable traits during a high, low or medium doesn't matter much if our state is unstable.

This leads me to conclude that I don't actually know my authentic self very well. It is something between the poles, a combination, a flow, a balance. It is still emerging. After the fires of mania, it must be built out of the ashes of depression, coming together over months and years.