I'm afraid there's not a lot I can offer here. But, since no one has yet replied to your post, I thought I would. Gender Identity Dysphoria is something I've struggled with my whole life. It's only quite recently that I think I've finally reached a point where it simply no longer matters.

The one thing I know is that gender identity issues can be extremely confusing. The contradictions I've struggled with throughout my life are too numerous to count! The good thing, nowadays, is that issues related to gender identity are finally out in the open. And there seems to be a general growing acceptance of them. When I was young gender & sexuality were simply not considered to be fit topics for converation. (Most people wouldn't have even considered there was a difference.)

Anyway... the other thing that's available nowadays, that wasn't when I was young, is counseling & mental health therapy. And it's my personal opinion that it's important for anyone struggling with gender identity issues to find a therapist who is experienced in working with people who have gender identity issues. So my hope is that this is something you are doing... or if not that it is somethng you will do as soon as you are able. I wish you well...