When I go very manic, I get a sensation that makes me say "Now I can be the real me. I've been repressed by unfavourable circumstances, and now I can leave them behind. I've waited years for this. I grew up in a cupboard and now I am in a rainforest - and if those around me don't understand why I will do whatever it takes to breathe the air, it is none of my concern. I am awake."

If this is all delusion, it is the most powerful delusion I ever had to contend with. When I'm having an episode and believing I can influence people and will soon become an entrepreneur, I am completely faithful to it - but even months and years after an episode ended badly, I'm still seduced by a dream that one day perhaps, when I am a little older and wiser, I can slip into that heightened state and not mess up.

It's a breathtaking possibility... or a dangerous dream...