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Old 04-18-2018, 07:01 AM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
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Default Starting to enjoy things again

It has been a really long time, like 4-5 years now, since I found pleasure in anything. For the longest time I was struggling to have the energy to make it through a work day, and the things that I so enjoyed doing, that I was passionate about, I just didn't care about anymore. They seemed frivolous and futile.

I've been working steadily and actively towards recovery. Pushing and forcing my brain to function again. I'm happy in the last few months I've made huge strides professionally in taking pride and pleasure in my work and also finding time to do things I enjoy, which I'm actually enjoying again and wanting to finish working so I can go do them. And not wanting to just crash at the end of the day because I actually enjoy being awake now. I think I often just went right to bed after work out of the complete lack of enjoyment in anything, in life in general. It was all so pointless to me, might as well be asleep or just doze in a daydream to get through it all.

Feels good to enjoy things again and take pleasure in things again.

For 5 years people would ask what I do for fun and I'd just stare at them blankly. Fun? What is fun?

Seesaw
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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