A lot of what you describe about yourself sounds an awful lot like me in a lot of ways right down to the hatred toward humanity part. I have an alternate personality who is very, very anti-human and extremely evil.
Human's disgust him.
(trigger)Are you old enough to remember the serial killer, Richard Remirez?
At his trial he had the most intense look of disgust on his face.
We immediately recognized it although at the time we didn't know that we were a "we". It was the look of disgust and hatred toward humanity. That's why he tortured and murdered all of those people. They disgusted him.(/trigger)