Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover
I was very lucky that the OD'S i did didn't cause any brain damage though I never had migraines or even headaches before that....thkugh my neuroligist at that time (late 90's) thoughtbfore sure the migraines came from a neck injury years before but made it necessary to have neck fusion.
My major depression got better when I left the bad marriage environment I had lived in for 33 years. It was amazing because without living in the stressful environments, my brain could remember more, learn more & converse better & even realize the emotional connections that had been missing all my life. It was like starting life completely over at the age of 54.....
So what I realized in my situation was that living surrounded by stress all my life was the cause of my problems even though I got my degree & had a computer engineering career for 15 years before the breakdown....it had beem building up to that point all my life. Being free from that environment let the internal me out to be free to be what I always thought life should be like.
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I was engaged to be married after six years together. But fortune favours the brave and after a culmination of events I had an epiphany.
There was nothing to look forward to. I didn't want to be one of those mum's who lived their lives through their kids transferring my failures onto their successes. Then they would hate me and wonder why I popped pills and what was wrong with me.
I was going to be like the women at my work who said they wished they had lived their lives before settling down.
His mum would say we would one day get bored with each other and get broody. But with my medication the scientists don't recommend pregnancy. I was in a quandary. Torn between my wishes to have a normal 2.4 children and dog and a "real" job battling against my free spirited desire to see the world and feel like I was really living. In our relationship I felt like I was on the outside looking in. I felt haunted by ghosts of the past that he would never let me get over or forget.
I would have killed myself if I had stayed.