I came out as queer without any issue. In fact, I'm literally loud and proud about my sexuality. It hasn't always been the easiest, but I'm really unapologetic about it.

But... I can't do the same with my gender. Online I'm who I should be but offline, I just... Can't bring myself to live the real me. It causes me so much anxiety and it's really eating away at everything in my life. My anxiety and dysphoria are slowly taking over everything. I need to be the real me but I just can't be that person.

I do have a gender specialist but they're not doing anything for me at all. No hormones, nothing. I had to wait so long to see them and for... What? Ugh. Part of me feels as though low dose HRT would probably help this anxiety a lot, because I'll start to physically change into who I should be. You know?

Granted, my gender is a... Special case. I'm AFAB and consider myself transmasculine/androgyne but my gender expression is feminine. I don't really feel 'trans enough' and I wonder if that's why I'm not getting help...

I dunno, I'm so confused and exhausted. I just want to be happy and confident in my own skin and identity. I guess I'm just so nervous because I know I need to move forward and I'm not getting any younger. Everything is a damn mess right now. Anyone else ever experience similar? I could really use some advice or just some kind words, this is really rough.