I'm looking to get some help changing my way of thinking. There are several issues going on. First, I don't take criticism well. I take it very personally, and rather than try to apply the feedback, I usually choose to wallow in the sadness of feeling inadequate instead. Very much tied into this is my tendency to give up on new things if they don't come naturally to me. I don't want to feel like an idiot, and yet I know that the true idiocy is in not allowing myself to learn and grow because I don't want to deal with the discomfort.

I also have a problem with being aware and present in the moment. I often don't notice my immediate surroundings, and it leads to doing things incorrectly or not catching on to something that's fairly obvious. For some reason, it's almost like the present moment is always taken for granted while my mind is elsewhere, whether it be past regrets, future worries, the song in my head (I'm a musician) etc. I believe this is also why I often have a terrible memory.

Finally, I believe at the root of all this is a lack of love for myself. I get down on myself very easily, and I internalize and wallow. I have a very hard time being assertive and standing up for myself. I often find it hard to identify what my true feelings or opinions are, and I think it's because they're shrouded by this complex web of self doubt and fear of confrontation.

I think I'm simultaneously very self centered but also self deprecating, and I just want to be a normal person who can fully and meaningfully engage with people and the world around me. Any suggestions on what steps I can take to adjust my way of thinking? Has anyone dealt with a similar mental complex? Any advice is much appreciated, thank you.