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Originally Posted by Findingreason
No need to apologise! I figured something was going on.
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That's good as I'm not going to be around PC as much the next couple of weeks. I didn't want you to think that I was annoyed with you or something.
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Originally Posted by Findingreason
Hmm, I could look into this a bit more. I know that worrying my wife and partner are mad at me and continually asking that could be related to OCD. I was diagnosed with it many years ago and did a lot of treatment for it. I feel the thoughts are rather quite intrusive, and ones that I must act on by asking, else they won't go away. It happened with my partner and I in 2012, around the time I received treatment for said condition. I need to get ahold of the book Brain Lock again and re-read the skills it taught and practice them.
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Whether this is 'standard' reassurance seeking behaviour, or OCD in nature, I think it's worth exploring where the worry comes from. I would imagine that it has it's routes in low self-esteem... I think that knowledge is power and when you understand where an unhelpful belief comes from, it's much easier to challenge it. Eg when I heard these 2 voices regularly and I realised that they were repeating old messages from my grandmother, they lost most of their power to upset me, and they eventually went away completely when I no longer believed what my grandmother had always told me about myself.
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Originally Posted by Findingreason
Hmm, that is a good point. I looked at you from two extremes...Though even whilst I was on the extreme that you were after me, I still saw you as very intellectual and insightful. I just thought it was being used against me.
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It's not the intellect being present or not that I meant by splitting, but believing that the intellect was being used for 'good' and then for 'evil', so to speak. That is the two extremes that I was referring to if it wasn't clear before.
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Originally Posted by Findingreason
I will put it in my bullet journal when I take Diazepam for anxiety to figure if there is a correlation between taking the medication as needed and symptoms that arise from it. Such as those you mentioned (hallucinations, impulsivity, suicidal or SH behaviours).
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As I said, diazepam doesn't have those effects on me either, but it's something to be aware of with that class of medication, and I think tracking it could be a good idea as it might have some effect, good or bad, or even trigger for its use, that you haven't noticed before.
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Originally Posted by Findingreason
Its actually very irresponsible of said health care providers if you ask me.
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I agree.
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Originally Posted by Findingreason
The one good thing that came out of adding Abilify was that it improved my ability to stay away. Less sedation. I am grateful for that. I can stay up 12-14 hours normally, and if required, 16. Much better than in the past.
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That's good to hear. It's so important to be able to live a life on the medication, or IMO what is the point of them as a tool?!
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Originally Posted by Findingreason
But I do wonder how much of it is bad that I don't know which way is up or down in terms of my symptoms.
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Perhaps mindfulness will help here? Observe the thoughts without judging them as 'good' or 'bad'. Sometimes uses a mindfulness meditation whereby you put the thoughts onto leaves in a stream and watch them flow away.
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Originally Posted by Findingreason
Its all confusing as hell, not knowing what is what right now. I don't always know what or who to trust.
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Congratulations on passing your exam and being accepted onto the course. I'm glad that it didn't go as badly as you feared it would.
*Willow*