Hello Sleepyspoon: I believe this is your first post, here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. You didn't mention if you're seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist, or if you're on any kind of psych med's. If not, & given the severity of your difficulties at the present time, finding a mental health therapist to work with might be a good place to start. And then, if need be, consideration could also be given to getting you on some medication, at least temporarily... perhaps an antidepressant. These are the types of things people generally do when they're struggling with mental health issues. If, on the other hand, you're already receiving mental health services, then perhaps it's time to contact the mental health professionals in your life & let them know how much you are struggling at the moment.

Here are links to 4 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of motivation plus 1 article on the subject of social anxiety & paranoia:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/tips-f...ure-depressed/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/5-ideas...ssion-strikes/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relat...hen-depressed/

https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhaust...tion-try-this/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...iety-paranoia/

My best wishes to you...