In general, I don't want words. I want changed behavior. But words do matter too. When you were growing up, what would have been helpful for you to hear? These are mine.

--You're good enough the way you are. You don't have to be way above average at everything to make me proud of you.

--It's OK that you're not as good at the chores as I am, or as fast. You're a child. You shouldn't be expected to do what an adult does, since you don't have the strength or the experience.

--You deserved better than I gave you.

--I see your point. I understand what you're trying to say. Sometimes it really is the other person's issue, not yours.

--It's OK to like whatever you like. You don't have to have the same tastes as I do. Just because I don't prefer the same music, or the same colors, or the same clothes, or the same TV shows, doesn't mean you're wrong.