Hello MiCiBella: Welcome to PsychCentral. I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support. You mentioned you've been dealing with suicidal thoughts separate from your eating disorder as well as related to it. As "shattered sanity" wrote, you can put your recent eating disorder relapse(s) behind you & start again. However, your suicidal thoughts are, to my mind, something else. (I've had some personal experience with this.)

I'd like to encourage you, as emphatically as I can, to reach out in real life for help. Suicidal thinking is nothing to mess around with. If you're not currently seeing a mental health professional of one sort or another (a therapist, a psychologist, etc.) please do so if you can. If you are seeing someone be sure you're being straight with them regarding how you're feeling. Or, in the alternative, reach out to a trusted family member, a friend, or someone else in your life you trust. And, in the meantime, keep posting here on PC as well. It can help too. I wish you well...