I guess I now know how to articulate how this all had an effect on me: in the tail-end of my childhood, like when I was pushing 13, I remember noticing that I was living in a bubble and every time my bubble would get popped, somebody would just blow me a new one. I remember complaining about how unreal my life was, and to an extent, I was just being a brat who didn't know how much I had it good, but I was also right in a way. The problem here is that my childhood taught me that everything was gonna be fine. Which isn't inherently bad, but it taught me that everything was gonna be fine because somebody was gonna catch me when I fell, not because I was gonna get used to things. Now, look at me, with the mentality that if something goes wrong, it's straight to "I DON'T WANNA CLOSE MY EYES I DON'T WANNA FALL ASLEEP 'CAUSE I'LL MISS YOU BABE I DON'T WANNA MISS A THING" mode.