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Old 06-19-2018, 09:07 PM
*Laurie* *Laurie* is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2015
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*Laurie* *Laurie* is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: California Uber Alles
Posts: 9,150 (SuperPoster!)

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Default Re: My Kid is Almost 34...

Yes, I know about rapprochement. There is some thought that if that stage is not properly coped with BPD can result. Well, my daughter is anything but Borderline. The fact is, she was a highly sensitive baby/toddler/child and definitely high maintenance. I most certainly attended to her needs, but I'm not stupid - I very much encouraged her to be independent and form her own personality, thoughts, opinions. My own mother, who was textbook Borderline, used to become quite literally enraged if my sisters and I didn't agree with her at a level of 100%.
My eldest sister was neurotically attached to our mother, whereas my other sister and I fought for our independence.

There was none of that going on with my daughter. Roles were clear, everyone allowed and encouraged to be who they were, naturally.

I really believe that my daughter is just going through the transition from young adult to full-on adulthood. And as her mother, I'm naturally the safest target for her flourishing adult identity.

As for the phone calls...shaming her? No, not at all. I just find it confusing and even amusing that she made it very clear about wanting a vacation away from "everyone" (me included)...I didn't plan to call her at all, and haven't, because I respect her need to have her time away. Yet, she has called me once or twice a day. I'll be surprised if she doesn't come home and tell me that I called her while she was on vacation. I'm not freaking out about it; it's just something she tends to do. Oldest child syndrome, perhaps? As in, they feel/believe that the whole family is their responsibility.
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