Quote:
Originally Posted by Rom7.15
I have borderline personality disorder and have had lots of trauma growing up. I now have 2 kids of my own. A 2 1/2 year old and a 6 year old. I'm a school counselor somehow by the grace of God. I think I'm a pretty smart gal but it's definitely harder when it's your own kids.
I have a very hard time allowing my kids to experience hard emotions. I think I try to over compensate for my past. I'm trying to parent me as a kid if that makes sense. If my kids are upset or crying it's hard for me to not fix it for them and take away the pain. I also get annoyed with their feelings at times (which I hate doing and admitting). I think it's mostly because no one was ever there to take away mine or care for my pain growing up. I felt alone and empty.
But I logically know I need to let them experience tough emotions and challenges because that will ultimately help them be more successful in life. I guess I'm just lost. I don't really know where the fine line is. I suppose writing this helps too.
How do I parent my strong willed 6 year old but still show her I love and care about her feelings? At what point do I help her feel better and at what point do I let her sit with those hard feelings? Should I be asking a different question all together?
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warning winded reply but heart found and felt.. if it's to vague i can always break it down to most any senerio unrammbled 😉 i hope it helps someone lol .. It's hard to watch them go through most anything and do so in the most positive outcome driven uninfluenced way and I get it entirely on most levels.. raised three boys(one had 3 nickname created so I didn't get tired of birthname and gave my st. daycare working with newborns back to back n still great aunty sister a nervous twitch at times ) through some hardships by self even when married and I learned as much as they did about them as well as myself and well life each time .. heck still learning lol.. I've found every thing they feel think and say is 100% theirs, true or not, it's their truth as they know it which makes it their reality no matter the age. What most need is the right direction in self discovery and finding their coping mechinisms that can produce positive and productive outcomes .. supported and reinforced by firm feeling of unconditionality in love, support, understanding that feelings are important and yes theres as well as urs mine and his. that they are understood and heard not just listened to. as well as explanation of risks n consequences before hand and after even when it might silly waste of time or over complicated and consistency even when it's hardest for us to remain consistant. when in more ofnegative situ always offer a sincere apology and an extended offer for away to change outcomes.. options(golden redirection).. if none apparent u got them and will help them find options, and acceptance (even when somethings not liked, there goes that unconditionality)to brace thier falls. they should b allowed endure every aspect consequence reward and life's karma for what it is little doses for little tykes with the best person to help pick them to feet after or high five there right choice .. it's HOW we help them find their own individual path to coping and CONCORING anything thrown by anyone even them selves lol..I could go on for light years .. and would love the chance to help anyone get a more rewarding less challenging experience with their family