Your post is full of insight and beautifully written. I think that in some respects, your relationship with your T is an ideal that many of us hold for our own work with a T.

Is it possible to savor the fact that she has given you such strong signals of her respect -- her love-- for you? Could that help stop the slide into abandonment patterns that you fear?

Thanks for posting this here. While your pain is palpable, I can see how much you have grown as a result of your work together and nobody can ever take that away.