You over-reacted but that does not make you stupid. Like I said twice before, you seem really bright!

You are also stressed right now.

Can you give yourself a break, just a tiny one?

What are you doing for self care?

Right now, I wonder if you are struggling with a concept called OBJECT CONSTANCY.

I have struggled with it in the past and still do. It's probably because of genetics, background and a lot of other things. I could be way off base here but you may want to look into it; maybe it's not useful after all.

Basically, people who struggle with object constancy have a hard time holding onto the idea that others will give them consistency and continuity (and sometimes they won't, but anxious bids for reaffirmations of affection aren't always met with the desired response and can actually push people in the OTHER direction).

It has been a major lifetime developmental task for me to achieve some sense of calm about other people's feelings about me. But I am making progress.

You can too.