Well, after years of floundering, I think I'm finally on the recovery path.

I have let go of the idea of restrictive, quick-fix diets, and I have a moderate food plan.

I've beem reading loads on emotional eating, and mindful eating and moderate eating..slowing some of it's starting to sink in and stick.

This has been a real challenge, because for the past 5 years I've been getting caught up in the fantasy of dieting and quick weight-loss. My disordered brain thinks an overly restrictive diet would be so much easier than eating reasonably and losing weight slowly. But I can't stick with those diets for more than a day or two. The hunger keeps me up, and it doesn't solve. the reasons I overeat to begin with. Eating with a moderate food plan isn't very glamorous, and it forces me to confront what's really going on with me, but I'm finally convinced it's the way to go. It's already making me feel a hell of a lot less crazy where food is concerned

Every week I put chocolate bars, a kind that is a real trigger for me in our grocery order- they're for Mr. Tortie to take to work. I don't have to see them or be tempted for more than the few seconds when I pull them out of the shopping bag and put them with his things. He takes all of them to work on Monday morning and keeps them in his locker, so I don't have to be bothered by them.

Yesterday, he forgot to take them. I'd only had a few hours sleep, which is usually when I'm most vulnerable to several small binges. But I managed to not eat even a square of it.

I think if I'd been trying one of my many attempts at a overly-restrictive diet, I wouldn't have had any resolve. It was uncomfortable, and at times really unpleasant. I had a few moments feeling sorry for myself, but I knew I'm feel I'd feel a lot worse if I ate one of those bars.

I've been allowing myself a hot chocolate at night. This has far fewer calories than my normal late night grazing/bingeing sessions. It takes a while to drink a hot chocolate, and it's comforting. I tried forgoing sweets altogether, but this only led to full-on binges.

I'm staying off the scale for now, and focusing on sticking to my eating plan, and my daily exercise routine. This feels like progress not perfection, and it feels sane.