i am very tired from following the thai boy rescue these past few days but i wanted to post. i am so full of emotions.

i have always sensed that i was emotionally neglected during my childhood. i don't remember much though. i do know both my parents worked and i was taken care of by a nanny. i don't know how nurturing she was. i don't remember any positive or negative interactions with her. i don't remember my mother being very nurturing either. i know i felt rejected by her through her actions or lack thereof. but i am not angry though. i know my mother loved me but she could not give what she herself was never given. many people do not want to talk about their parent's/parents' lack of parenting skills due to not wanting to be disloyal to them but i think it is okay to share things if it is the truth. and for my situation, there is no judgment, just understanding.

but then how to heal? one of my main issues is i often find myself grappling for the right emotions to show on my face when talking to someone. it feels as if i am searching for emotions in an empty room. i recently found this book titled 'healing your emotional self' by beverly engel in which she describes how feeling emotionless is a sure sign of emotional neglect. she writes that our self image is formed from facial expressions/emotions/actions mirrored back to us from our parents/caregivers. instinctually, i always felt that i was not properly mirrored growing up. the author has exercises on how to fix this. i can hardly wait to read those and will report back.

btw, i wish the author or someone would have classes on this. i am sure MILLIONS would benefit.

hugs to all.