Hmm, thank you for the feedback. I know that when experiencing ongoing trauma people can dissociate from it. I'm learning that's definitely what I would do. Many times it was the only way to escape the trauma. That might be one of the reasons I have the appearance of calm a lot. I somehow disconnect from how I feel and the situation. I've noticed that I don't really know how I'm supposed to react to situations anymore (example I don't always know when something is supposed to be cause for anger and how to express anger in a healthy way).

I looked up depersonalization, and I know I've experienced that. I'm wondering if I would fit somewhere on the dissociative disorder spectrum.