Thread: An Audi TT
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Anonymous32895
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Default Jul 28, 2018 at 02:11 PM
 
Religion is for people who are afraid of hell, spirituality is for those that have been there. I don't believe that what goes around comes around because this is not a just world. Bad things happen to good people all the time and nice guys finish last. But when you feel deserted, like me, you begin to think that it can't be those around me to blame. I must change myself. But only part of me believed this. The other part of me thought yes, I have been dealt this horrible hand. And some people are wrong about me. When you have been really sick like I was, you do clutch at straws. I lost faith in people so perhaps there is something else out there. But I woke up of course and realised that it was irrational to believe in something omnipresent and righteous,some supreme being. That I should look for what's beautiful on the earth right here and now. I made a conscious decision that I wanted to happy and live my life. At first I thought it was part of my condition that hadn't been treated. Yes, I half believed that wanting to be happy was because I was ill!

I do.however wonder if those moths that kept appearing in our bath were a bad omen? I'd never seen such huge grey dusty moths. Or was just because we lived near woodland and the golf course. I couldn't settle down with Fred. I would have grew old to be as bitter as my father. Not to mention all the other signs in the fabric of my being. The depression was my life and surroundings. Everyone at my work said they wished they had lived their lives before husband and kids. I can see why they thought child's play had their finger on the pulse and was living the life of riley. So of course I would ponder that maybe I am missing something. I did feel stuck.
But when I applied to college in the city, it wasn't to party, I was passed that. I would liked to have met other friends sure but I wanted a chance at getting a career. I felt like I was wasting my minds thirst for knowledge and purpose. And that a student digs was tolerable for a year.
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