I over heard my mum and neighbour chatting away and they brought up my father. Everyone was talking about my father who said that I didn't have the decency to go to my own grandmothers funeral. To call him a hypocrite is being kind! I was at home sure, but I wasn't "better." I wasn't well enough to go and he was the one who didn't bother getting In touch with me to let me know where the funeral and teas were being held.
My mum said to my neighbour it was his fault as he never got in contact. My neighbour said something and then my mum relied " he probably doesn't want anything to do with her now since she now has something wrong with her." Yet she spoke to a couple in the pub whose kid had a diagnosis and they were at university and have turned out to be successful in every aspect of life. My doctor sent me home with NO solid diagnosis.
Anyway father, you never came to see me being born even though there was nothing stopping you. You wouldn't have bothered with me if you had a job at the time, I know in my heart of hearts that's the truth. You were being spiteful and people were a bit shocked to hear the way you referred to me. If someone asked if I was getting better, you would say :who? What HER? I don't know what SHE is up to.
I was mad at you for the way you treated my gran anyway. She had dementia and you didn't even cook her tea when doing your own.
How could I have went to the funeral. What would I say?My life was in tatters. What do you do study or work? None. I couldn't face people I had never ever met or barely knew. I wasn't speaking to you either ! I could never have handled that atmosphere when I was still recovering from my breakdown. So I decided that was the final nail in the coffin of our relationship.
You didn't contact me to tell me about the ins and outs of the funeral. You could have put a note through the letter box at the very least. How hard could that have been?? Your telephone number. Or date and time of funeral . Think about it! You were always passive and quick to blame everyone else. I wished sometimes I could just give you a shake and say stop living In the past. Its not SAD. It wasn't the seasons or weather affecting you it was you and your web of depression that you wove yourself. Sorry I'm such a big disappointment but it wasn't you who provided for me as a kid was it? You were my father but never a dad. I only got anything at xmas. But even then you were aggrieved because I couldn't get into.the chemistry set you bought one year.