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Old 07-30-2018, 02:58 AM
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: United States
Posts: 499

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Default Re: Deep TMS

So I finished the week with 4 treatments because I started on a Tuesday. I came home and felt so tired. I just slept all weekend. I woke up several times and I was very depressed each time. I did not go to church or spend time with family or anything. I just slept. Now itís Sunday night and I should be sleeping and instead I am anxious 😟 about the coming week. Sigh. Seriously. I slept Friday night Saturday morning and afternoon. Then Saturday night and most of the day Sunday. Now I am awake.
During my waking periods I just kept wishing I could die. No thoughts of acting on that at all. Just passively wanted to pass away in my sleep. I would get up for an hour or two and eat and care for the dogs and then go back to sleep.
I have noticed a headache in various places but I donít know for sure if it is because of the TMS. It could be because of the fibromyalgia. My doctor says sometimes TMS actually works on fibromyalgia too, so if I have results with depression I may also have them with fibromyalgia. I am under tremendous guilt and shame right now because of not sleeping. I have to get up in 3 hours!
I am hating myself and dreading Monday.
Obviously, TMS is not yet working for me. Itís not supposed to be working this fast so I am not too concerned about that.
My two main concerns are: the memory loss issues. And of this doesnít work , I have no hope because this was my last resort.
I spoke briefly with another patient on Friday and she is in her fifth week and has noticed some improvement in the depression but also noticed diminished short term memory. So I am not alone in this.
Oh well. Onward to see what tomorrow brings. Because ready for it or not, the sun will come out tomorrow. Sigh.
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