Quote:
Originally Posted by Balthascar810
Fred would threaten to phone my parents when we fell out at times. This was partly the way the hospital treated me. They questioned my parents. And kept me in the dark. I was the last to be informed on my own health. But I know that its protocol to ask if anyone in my family had any mental health illness or issues.But in the end, the doctor I had then shared the conclusion with me and only me. Thanks for that it made a big difference for me.
When we moved in together Fred got even more controlling. It didn't surprise me. A normal loving relationship? One without conditions attached where we helped and balanced out each other. What was that?
Fred would tell me constantly that I would never find a man like him. He would imply that he was burdened with me because he loved me and love is blind. It felt like he was using love as a weapon.
But everyone it felt shared his view so it's no wonder his martyr/hero complex went to his head. No young man in his right mind would stick by a girl that had been a mental patient. That was the wide spread view. And Fred would remind me. It didn't matter who I was before hospital. I may as well have had a terminal illness.
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I don't think Fred is a bad person and I never did. He was just listening to what everyone around was saying. He didnt listen to many people but if it backed up his logic then he used it. I know many people whose partners consider divorce but they come around in the end. And being young, why tie yourself down with a "sick" girlfriend when the world's your oyster? Of course this was going to be the ugly truth at the back of everyone's minds.
I am glad we stayed together through the rough seas. He helped me to hold down work and kept me grounded enough that I lowered my expectations when Job hunting. And he admitted that I needed a lucky break and would get one eventually.
I was shaken up when I couldn't breathe after he held me down on sofa when we had a disagreement. I wish I hadn't said . But I couldn't have told my pals anyway if we were still in touch. I didn't want to put you or anyone in an uncompromising situation. I wasn't one for airing my dirty laundry. But it's hard keeping things to yourself. I guess the doctor psychiatrist would have been the one to tell or I should have phoned the police .
But Fred had said before that nobody would ever believe what I have to say because I had been through psychiatric treatment. And Fred had never never been in trouble for his violent out bursts and fights before so I didn't think I had a cat in hells chance of the police listening to me. He broke someone's ribs and the victim never reported him.
There was no bruising or lasting red marks from where he pinned my wrists to my chest. He put his whole weight on me and I was gasping for air. Nothing broken in the house either. I doubt he would have even got a caution. It would have been considered "a domestic."
I did believe that if it came to my word against Freds, my side of the story would have been dismissed. I think that he know he could get away with the way he treated me because of my spell in hospital. I was living in fear. I cried in the shower, I took an over dose. I would never escape my past.