Forums at Psych Central - View Single Post - Crap. I started smoking again.
View Single Post
Old 08-05-2018, 06:50 AM
amicus_curiae's Avatar
amicus_curiae amicus_curiae is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: I wish they all could be California gurls...
Posts: 992
amicus_curiae amicus_curiae is offline
Grand Member
amicus_curiae's Avatar
amicus_curiae Me. As an undergrad. Not a good likeness. But me, nonetheless.
 
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: I wish they all could be California gurls...
Posts: 992 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
79 hugs
given
Default Crap. I started smoking again.

Long story short:

I canít recall the year that I stopped smoking ó I just stopped: No method to the madness.

I have agoraphobia, or had agoraphobia, until this week. Now Iím spending hours and hours and hours outside of my apartment: Little method in the madness.

Many of my neighbors who sit outside, under our ridiculously large portico, smoke. I bummed a cigarette on my first day out. Then bummed more.

I bought a pack to repay those from whom Iíd bummed.

Like an idiot, I kept what remained in the pack and Iíve smoked 2-3 per day for four days. I awoke this morning and, before my shower, smoked another.

Okay.

I have neuropathy in my hands and no feeling. I have severe arthritis in my hands. I cannot hold on to a cigarette. They fall from my fingers 7-8 times when I smoke and I refuse all help and bend my legless body to pick the fallen cig from the concrete.

I have. No. Business. Smoking. The habit was responsible for the deathly physical illnesses that I know enjoy.

But I am so delighted ó so bloody HAPPY ó to be outside, again, and if itís among smokers, so be it. I think that I may equate smoking with happiness. Several of my neighbors, those who knew me previously to my hermithood, are aghast.

Iím confused about what I should (try to) do.

Any suggestions?
__________________
amicus_curiae

Contrarian, esq.
Hypergraphia

Someone must be right; it may as well be me.

I used to be smart but now Iím just stupid.
óDonnie Smithó
amicus_curiae is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote