Hi Steiger!!! I'll send you a PM right now!! Thanks!
Also, I have an important yet highly awkward revision to make to our story that I've shared here. Apparently things didn't exactly happen the way I was told. My guy DID self- injure and the damage was serious, BUT he did not castrate himself. That is to say, his testicles are still intact. This is, of course, a real relief. But this also means that he lied to me intentionally. I don't fully understand why. He feels that no one has ever felt anything for him except sexual desire. He has serious issues when it comes to sex, and even though initially he was the one who initiated that aspect of our relationship, it now seems like he is so desperate to avoid it that he would rather I believe he's a eunuch. I think it was some sort of "test" to see if I really loved him for himself.
I, of course, feel pretty awkward about all of this. I mean, he didn't have to feign his own castration to stop me from coming on to him. It's not like I'm some kind of relentless pervert. In fact I'm not an extremely sexual person at all. But I guess that's not the point.
However at least he didn't do any irreparable damage to himself. So that's good. I shouldn't be surprised that he carried out a deception of this magnitude, but I am. Initially I was pretty upset, but now I think I've made peace with it.
We continue to have trouble being "just friends", however, because he is incredibly jealous and keeps accusing me of wanting to be with someone else. (I mean, anyone else.) His fears of rejection are off the charts and he keeps trying to cut me out of his life in retaliation for speaking to men. But then he's back the next day, proclaiming his love for me or telling me that we should be friends because we need each other.
I know I'm the only person who has ever been there for him in his entire life and I WANT to continue doing so. I can hardly believe that my influence in his life would be anything but positive, because I'm always coming from a place of love. However he has trouble perceiving this or believing it... not all the time... but at seemingly random intervals.
Although I love him dearly I know I've got to distance myself emotionally from this situation because the roller coaster of emotion isn't good for my own bipolar symptoms!! I miss the openness we used to share and that feeling of unconditional support and love that we gave one another.