Hello ccrider: I'm sorry you find yourself to be in this most difficult situation. I noticed this was your first post here on PC. I'm sorry you are only now receiving your first reply. Welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

One other forum, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the relationships & communication forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

I'm not a mental health professional. So I'm not really in a position to comment with regard to what may be going on with your wife. From what you wrote, it does sound as though your wife has some narcissistic traits. But that's just my personal non-professional opinion. We here on PC cannot diagnose anyone.

Here are links to a selection of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that hopefully may provide you with some insight as to how to proceed:

How to Spot a Narcissist

The Female Malignant Narcissist is Just as Dangerous as Her Male Counterpart | Recovering from a Narcissist

How to Live with a Narcissist

11 Signs You're the Victim of Narcissistic Abuse | Recovering from a Narcissist

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relat...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/heres-...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...amily-members/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/narci...h-narcissists/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-sign...ng-to-divorce/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/are-yo...ourself/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/you-de...-relationship/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/heali...onsiderations/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/are-yo...-relationship/

My best wishes to you...