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SalingerEsme
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Default Aug 15, 2018 at 01:36 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux View Post
I told him that last session hadn't come away with the assurance I wanted that he doesn't see me as a threat to his family. He said he consciously doesn't. I said I want to know that all of him doesn't. And he said there have been enough of these instances that something is going on for him and he doesn't know what it is.
I said it hurts that he can't give me that assurance. He said it troubles him that he can't.

About 10 minutes from the end I raised what he had said last week about me not asking for hugs, just going ahead and hugging him. I said I had noticed it too. He said it felt different from before, because before I had felt like he had initiated (he said he didn't feel like he had) but that now I don't seem to be experiencing it thst way.
My vision went weird. I stop I myself out of it. He asked what had happened and I told him. He said follow the thought you shook your self out of. What would you say?
I thought and said "I would want to say that I want you to initiate hugs".
Can't remember what was said immediately after that but shortly after he said "the thought I have is that I worry that if I initiated hugs you could experience that as abusive.
I said "I'm not actually saying you should initiate hugs. I said that because you asked me where my thoughts would go."
I said I didn't know whether to give my response to that so close to the end. I said I'm not trying to entrap him. I said it reminds me of when he said he worried I could one day be sat with another T talking about him the way I talk about T1. T said he knows I'm not and he wouldn't have agreed to hug me if he thought that.
A minute passed and he said "did you believe me when I said that?" I said "on one level, yes." I said "I'm also scared you think I am going to make a complaint about you." He said he's not. I looked at the clock which was a couple of minutes over and said "we should stop".
I paid then I said "can I have a hug please?" He said yes and he hugged me tight. He kept trying to make eye contact as we left. He said Take care. There were some people, presumably friends arriving on his doorstep as I left.
Reading this, I felt a visceral sense of anxiety for some reason. I don't usually, and follow your T posts with interests. I got worried if he is struggling with some real feelings for you? Things seem reversed- like you stopping the session and he is seeking eye contact? I love how honest he is and accountable- like saying it bothers him too that consciously he doesn't see you in opposition to his family but he is scrutinizing the incidents. I don't believe my T would share at that level, and I think it is great yours does.

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Thanks for this!
Echos Myron redux