Regardless of the label, she's clearly afflicted with some sort of pathology and she's also clearly toxic to you. It sounds like you've been through the ringer, it's no wonder you've run out of patience.

Try not to judge yourself too harshly, you've been doing the best you can and honestly she sounds sick as hell to me. It sounds like narcissism is one facet of it but I also see some histrionic traits based on your post also. I can't diagnose anything as I'm not a doctor, but I am someone who's personality disordered and if you have any questions on the what and why and how you can ask me and I can try to give you some insight.

I hope you can find a way out of this that's best for you, because you have to take care of yourself or you won't get anywhere.