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Old 08-17-2018, 01:13 AM
moonperson moonperson is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: UK
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moonperson moonperson is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: UK
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Default Can this be a delayed response to childhood issues?

I'm not diagnosed and I know I should go to a therapist... but I've started thinking about my life and I used to be a socially confident kid, but things took a turn when I was around 14. I started dettaching from people... and also at this age my friends made me feel insecure (but i guess that's normal).
Looking back, it is like a sudden change, and I wonder if it had something to do with my parents' divorce. It wasn't a friendly divorce but not the worst.

I was like a friend to both of them then rather than a daughter. I wanted to be understanding and support them, though after some months I started to dislike my dad a little, he moved abroad and things were okay with him though we weren't that close anymore, then he got better as a person, but still I don't feel close to him, though things are fine.

The point is I really was okay with the divorce and my dad moving away. People at school thought it was sad, but to me, everything was okay and going from one place to another was more fun than having just one home... but I now wonder if it's normal that I was so calm. My siblings took sides and had issues with both of them, but I was just happy for them, and enjoying the moving around thing, and hoping they'd find real happiness. (Mum wanted to divorce, dad didn't want to)

All this happened when I was 10-11. But the avoidant tendencies really hit me when I was around 14-15. Cutting ties with friends, not being able to make friends, though I don't have a problem talking to new people. It's when I know I'll be seeing these people for a long time that I get shy and can't really socialise.
Last week I was talking to a classmate and we laughed almost at the same time and I almost felt a connection there and freaked out a little inside. The problem is I really want to feel that connection...
I really admire those people that bond with everybody, but I'm the opposite of that.
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