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Old 08-17-2018, 09:28 AM
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waggiedog I HAVE LOST MY REASON FOR LIVING. 🌈🌈🌈🌈as usual.
 
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Default Re: Anorexia and BDD

Hi everyone. Well, all I can DEFINATELY say is.....I'm not many days shy of 60 years old and have had various ED's since I was around 17. Having been a chubby kid through all my childhood, fat teenager (apart from the numerous anorexic spells and constant weight watcher for e rest of those many years.

I've never stopped thinking like an anorexic, totally regardless of my size which could be obese or hospitalised skeleton. My whole family was/is big seemingly by nature (whatever that may mean) we are also mainly "endomorphs". Short in height and typically apple shaped, built for strength and NOT for speed. For myself the barrage of media "ideal size zero" and catwalk type fashion does a lot to harm, but can never get away from that.

I'd say I had/have BDD no matter what size. Binge/starve was my coping mechanism, which I have to say has very slowley abated over years BUT, I am still obsessed by image (I'm not exactly great looking but a lot of make up kinda helps) and still obsessed with food, the magic pill answer (I wish WISH) and weighing the least I can. I'm barely five feet tall, 4' 11" at the last hospital visit!!!! Being very short has meant that every ounce counts. I'm fitish as have four large dogs and work with horses.

My ED's in all of their finery will never just "go" and whilst I know some folk do leave ED's behind, I truely believe I was born with mine and I'll die with mine. Lots of phyical damage has occured due to the severe underweight, the anorexic stages, and a lot of damage from the Bulimic stages (very few teeth that are whole, broken/missing) dodgy digestion and even dodgyer bowels!!!

I think throughout the many different diagnosis of anorexia, bulimia, compulsive eating, binge/starve, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, depression, anxiety and black n white thinking (YES I've had/have them all, but I've ALWAYS had BDD in each and every stage.

That's just what applies to myself of course, and basically only us, within our own mind and brain, know exactly how we think........regardless of the look of our outter shell.

Sending Hugs to you all. X
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