Hello Xow: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. There is a lot of support that can be available here on PC. Things tend to move quickly though. Sometimes it can take a bit of time to become known. However if you can reply to lots of other members' posts, as well as posting your own threads, soon you can become an important part of the community.

Perhaps there is more to all of this than you wrote in this post. But, based on what you wrote, it sounds as though perhaps what you are struggling with is some serious depression. Here are links to a bunch of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that discuss what depression is & offer tips on managing depression including a depression quiz you can take. This probably looks like a lot of reading! But the articles are short. So it's not as much as it may appear:

Living with Depression: A Guide for Coping with Depressive Feelings

In-Depth: Living with Depression

Depression Test - Feeling Depressed? Take the 2 Minute Test

6 Steps for Beating Depression

7 Ways to Manage Clinical Depression

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-ways...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-more...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-ways...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-t...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-tips...of-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-more...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...-without-meds/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/dont-...ay-at-college/

My best wishes to you...