I’ve also shown traits, which I only became aware of in my late 30’s and then learned about BPD. Part of Borderline is described as having obsessive crushes.

Have you always had them?

I did have crushes, but I thought they were normal, and that I was just a boy-crazy girl. I never acted upon those crushes in any embarrassing way. I felt they were attractions that were unrequited. I accepted it, but I still secretly pined for them and hoped they would have a change of heart.

My best friends knew I had these crushes and they didn’t tell me this was weird. They had crushes on boys they liked, too.

Are you happy in your relationship? Could these crushes have emerged because you are not happy?

That’s what I thought when my obsessive thinking about one of these crushes resurfaced after I was married for several years. I felt bad about the disloyal obsessive fantasy, confided it in my husband, and sought counseling. But the counseling was really more for the reason of being unhappy with my husband than for the crush fantasy. Our marital problem became an intimacy issue related to sex. It was very traumatic for me.

I don’t know what’s at the root of all this. Is it borderline traits? I’m still confused tbh.