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Old 08-22-2018, 06:29 AM
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Quote:
Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux View Post
Except he's already shown himself to be incapable of handling this kind of disclosure well. Look what he said in the session LT just wrote up: "Some feelings probably shouldn't be shared". And the flip flopping around on the stone boundary. He is worse than useless at helping with attachment, which is one of LT's main issues. Sorry LT
It's OK, I know my T has some very glaring deficits. And this is why I won't share with him about knowing where he was. He may suspect I did, and hence the questions (or he was just curious), but I don't see any good coming from bringing it up. I'm also puzzled by his seeming completely fine with my looking at a picture of him (obviously about him), whereas holding a stone I associate with him wasn't OK before. And it's OK for me to have this other stone for a vacation, but I assume I'm expected to give it back upon my return (and I will).

I suspect there's some countertransference going on of some sort that's behind him seeming looser on some boundaries lately. Like, based on facial expression/body language he seemed personally affected by my being really emotional Monday about looking at the photos and other attachment stuff and seemed extra caring and reassuring (tone of voice, how he looked at me, etc.). And he's not usually so much like that (that was ex-MC's thing!) But I doubt he's aware of any sort of CT or even that his boundaries have been inconsistent.

As he'll often say that I know his email policy, which...I sort of do, and which he seems to think is very clear, when actually it's pretty vague, at least in practice. And how he says he'll let me know if I'm anywhere close to approaching too much contact or otherwise crossing some line, which I think he feels should be reassuring to me. But it isn't really. I mean, sure, I prefer that to ex-MC and ex-T waiting until it was already too much and they seemed angry at me about it (with no earlier warning, even when I checked in with them). But I still fear even an early warning from current T, since then it will feel like I've been "bad" or something (hello, stuff from childhood!) Or how he only allows texts for scheduling, and months ago I sent him a text about scheduling an extra session and included info on why, and he called that "a little intrusive" because it was at 8 p.m. and wasn't simply "Do you have any openings tomorrow?" (I usually just email him about scheduling now, as he doesn't consider email intrusive.)

I'll stop rambling now...Guess I'm just trying to say that I am painfully aware of many of his faults, but there are other ways in which he's really helping me. I suppose we'll see how today goes...
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