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Old 08-22-2018, 06:58 AM
Echos Myron redux Echos Myron redux is offline
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Echos Myron redux Echos Myron redux is offline
Grand Poohbah
Echos Myron redux is tired
 
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

When I sat down, he asked me how I am doing, which he doesnt normally. I told him I hadn't been sleeping well. He asked if I knew why. I said I had been awake a lot on Sunday night thinking about what I had told him via email. I said I was scared to talk to him about it because for some reason I feel he will judge me, even though really I know he won't. I said I think it's because my Dad judged both me and my mother for this and blamed my mother for my being this way. Even though I suspect we were both this way for the same reason.
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I said this, and other things, including me getting a bit drunk at my dad's house on Sunday, reminded/remind my Dad of my Mum. I said my whole life I felt like he saw me as a remnant of a marriage he'd rather forget.

I said that I adopted his frustration with her, and found her unacceptable as he did. But I am similar to my mother in some ways. So I began to find these parts of myself unacceptable and this was a big part of the self-loathing I have often struggled with. I have found it hard to accept the parts of myself that are similar to my mother.

I said I feel like I have blamed her for a lot of stuff. T said he feels like he can look at the situation without the need for blame and just sees sadness on all sides. I said
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He asked how I was. I said I feel like I want reassurance from you. He said what kind of reassurance? I said it feels late in the session to say it. (time was up) he said never mind the time, let's make sure we finish properly. I said I want to ask you if you still love me. He said "Yes! I have been sat here feeling protective of you" (he said some more that I can't remember) and he put his hand on his heart. I said it's difficult work and he said he knows, he can feel how difficult it is. He says he feels like I am trying to overcome the message (he said he wanted to say spell but it felt a bit Harry Potter) that had been put on me that I mustn't talk about it.

We stood up and hugged and as I left he said something like "take good care".
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